I'm pretty well-known for being kind of a shut-in. There are a lot of reasons for this. I don't like cold weather. I hate people. I don't like crowds, or really loud places. I don't really drink or dance so I totally don't belong in a bar. But the biggest reason, and I'm honestly not kidding, is laziness. I don't like to go places because going places puts me in a position where I have to do one of my must hated activites: Getting out of my chair.
I can almost hear you rolling your eyes at me. Knock it off. If you don't understand why I hate getting out of my chair, then clearly you have never felt the seductive power of a good sit.
However, because I've grown accustomed to certain luxuries, like living indoors and eating regularly, I HAD to go out today, because I had a job interview. I got offered the job on the spot, by the way. And so to get to this interview, I had to brave something I haven't had to deal with all summer: The bus.
Now, there are many people who, like me, are (reasonably) sane, normal, functional members of society. Our failing is that, for whatever reason, we do not drive and therefore need to avail ourselves of public transit. I despise taking the bus, in spite of the fact that for years, I've had to do it almost every day. This summer I was (dubiously) lucky enough to be working close to home, so I walked back and forth to work every day, but this new job means I'll be taking the bus every day again. Nngh. The bus is full of CRAZY PEOPLE.
I once saw a guy on the bus having a very animated argument with his own reflection in the window. I once also saw a very large drunken woman's over-taxed Yoga pants fall off, completely and indisputably solving an argument my friend and I were having over whether or not she was wearing underwear. In case you're curious, she wasn't. I once had my hand closed in the door of a bus, which then started pulling away from the curb. I lost a nice bracelet that day, but am glad that I did at least get my hand back. The drivers of our local transit are....special.
Today, because it's the Friday before Halloween, and I happened to be headed home from my interview about the time that the large high school across the street was letting out for the day, I couldn't even tell the difference between the crazies and the sane people anymore. When you see some dude on Halloween, wearing a large pink bunny suit, it's easy to think, "Hey, that guy is just getting into the spirit of things, nice costume!" When you see some dude wearing a large pink bunny suit on, say, September fourth, you can be fairly sure that his saddle is starting to slip, and you'll know to steer clear. Before I left my first inspection job with National Oilwell, on my way home one day in like...July...I saw some guy dressed head to toe in an outfit that made him look like Jigsaw, from the Saw movies. I decided it'd be better to just wait for the next bus, because I really didn't feel like getting stabbed that night.
In conclusion, public transit is full of crazy people. If you're lucky, they'll identify themselves by wearing some kind of totally out of place costume, like a pink bunny, or Jigsaw, or the Jolly Green Giant, or whatever the fuck. Or, you could end up sitting next to some whacko who looks like everyone else. Just like me....
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